tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3656881569336871801.post6261007364842124925..comments2024-02-23T11:07:06.781+02:00Comments on 8 Months In Ukraine: The Great ExperimentCrazy About Ukrainehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16990920799981173553noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3656881569336871801.post-28828492622636347802012-10-10T12:47:01.863+03:002012-10-10T12:47:01.863+03:00Hi MCD! It's going, very slowly and poorly tha...Hi MCD! It's going, very slowly and poorly that is. I've come to Coffee Life to escape from the apartment and pay $2 for a little cup of regular black tea and a sporadic internet connection. [sigh] <br /><br />There are a lot of communication problems. We're trying to use an English / Russian суржик to get by. Today I was in the kitchen with his mom, getting tea. I said to her in English "My class was cancelled today." She replied to this in Russian with "Oh, so you like that tea?" Thus most of the time I try to speak with them in Russian just to be understood but I HATE it. At first I thought I was starting to hate Russian, but used it with other people yesterday and found it really exciting, so it turns out that it's just talking to them in Russian that I don't like.<br /><br />Yesterday I had classes and stuff from 9:30 AM to 9:30 PM, so was only at home for one hour. His mom came and confronted me and started crying, saying we should be like family and that I keep her at arm's length and that she feels like an idiot for not being able to speak English, and I felt really, really terrible. I want them to be happy but sometimes it feels like they don't want to be happy. Then she dried up her tears and went away and was in bed already when I got home from work that night. We always have periodic conversations like this and then things go back to normal until the next time she feels emotional. <br /><br />I think the happiness thing is a cultural issue. My parents are the same age (60s, 70s) and their life has really blossomed recently: volunteering at a low-income clinic, taking trips to the beach, bagpipe lessons, studying Spanish, attending steampunk conventions in costume. You know, the traditional American "rediscover yourself in retirement" thing. But the Ukrainian mentality towards old age is so different. I don't understand what they want. It seems like they only want to be around us 24/7 and eating food or drinking tea, nothing else. I can gladly do that for an afternoon but not a week. It's just not in me. They don't understand why D and I check email or work on projects while they're visiting. I know that's not very hospitable but if they're here for 2 weeks we still have to keep up some semblance of normal life. <br /><br />Plus there's the occasional weird things. For example, relatives here had given them a big bar of soap as a gift. Regular old soap. They brought the soap to Kharkov and gave it to us. As there was already a new bar of soap in the soap holder, I left it on the storage ledge in the bathroom. Shortly later I enter the bathroom to see that his mom unwrapped the big hunk of soap and put it in the soap holder with the other bar... meaning there was hardly space for either bar of soap. Why? Seriously, why? It's like she has to have her way no matter what.Crazy About Ukrainehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16990920799981173553noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3656881569336871801.post-55365142727393128022012-10-10T11:42:40.852+03:002012-10-10T11:42:40.852+03:00Thanks, Roman :) We did hit up Paris already. Had ...Thanks, Roman :) We did hit up Paris already. Had a bit of an incident there which totally represents the situation. His mom only ordered a bowl of soup and then made a big deal out of saying "oh, I'm soooo stuffed now, couldn't possibly eat a morsel more" but of course she still snacked on the meals of others. The incident happened when we ordered a fondue... first time ever for all of us! :) We were slowly whittling away the cheese & shrimp fondue when she decided to blow out the candle keeping it warm. This came as a shock to the rest of us- we were just sitting, eating, talking, and bam! randomly she leans over and blows the candle out. We're stunned- "why did you just do that?!" "Oh, well, I think it's going to overheat the cheese. It's for the best." Um, no, the cheese will solidify without the heat of the candle. Because she sees the upset expressions on our faces (not just mine!), she tries to cover her tracks by quickly picking up a fork and scooping out cheese & shrimp onto people's plates so that we'll eat it faster. Unfortunately, this was a fork that she had earlier dropped on the floor. You should have seen Denis' face!! :p <br />She does things like that for attention all the time. It usually ends up making people yell at her but at least she gets the attention she wants. My modus operandi is just to ignore all of it. <br /><br />#3 is happening, as for #4 they don't seem to be interested in those things.<br />I don't know about real peace but hopefully a truce will get us through the next week.<br />Crazy About Ukrainehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16990920799981173553noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3656881569336871801.post-51889933873794326882012-10-09T23:20:53.790+03:002012-10-09T23:20:53.790+03:00How is it going?
How is it going? <br />Andrea https://www.blogger.com/profile/00730557217264985056noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3656881569336871801.post-74148740123702098272012-10-09T01:01:57.630+03:002012-10-09T01:01:57.630+03:00Actually, you're doing quite OK.
1. Be patient...Actually, you're doing quite OK.<br />1. Be patient, polite, and express your emotions somewhere - 100% DONE<br />2. Make them tired - 50% DONE; TODO - long walks, parties, cafés, shopping, museums, art-house movies (I'd recommend Боммеръ & 'Paris' places)<br />3. Criticizing is easier than doing. Relax and let them act & express themselves. 100% TODO - don't cook, don't buy food, let them do this (but help to bring bags :) )<br />4. Let them enjoy Russian/Ukrainian TV, books.<br />And let your mutual truce become real peace.RomanThttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14050938392796656569noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3656881569336871801.post-48747248159798248072012-10-08T21:53:09.343+03:002012-10-08T21:53:09.343+03:00Timur, Julia is my role model! She handles everyth...Timur, Julia is my role model! She handles everything with so much grace! There's definitely something to be learned from her.Crazy About Ukrainehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16990920799981173553noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3656881569336871801.post-4720596373665532322012-10-08T21:51:09.199+03:002012-10-08T21:51:09.199+03:00I don't know if I can be the boss right now......I don't know if I can be the boss right now.... working mornings & nights + cleaning after 4 adults + cooking for 4 adults is too much. In the past I tried cooking for them, planning meals, and so on which always ended in temper tantrums because his father has only eaten soup and mashed potatoes for the past 10 years and doesn't trust other foods. So we've kind of divided the responsibilities, which is nice but leads to situations, miscommunications... for example, after feeling sick I recently found out that she uses the city tap water for things (soup, etc). Then I think to myself "What the hell?! There's a huge bottle of safe drinking water next to the kitchen table." but bringing it up doesn't seem polite, because she really is trying in other ways. I'm just so grateful that this is not my everyday life! Crazy About Ukrainehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16990920799981173553noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3656881569336871801.post-39910475873966723112012-10-08T21:36:59.284+03:002012-10-08T21:36:59.284+03:00Hi Emily, thanks for your thoughts, I'm trying...Hi Emily, thanks for your thoughts, I'm trying to stand strong :p It sounds like you and I have many things in common in this situation. Seriously, what is it about MILs? No matter how much trouble they had with their own MIL, they turn around and do it to you 30 years down the line.... that probably means that someday two 25-year-old girls will start bitching about how difficult we are! And of course we'll consider them completely inappropriate for our dear sons, haha.Crazy About Ukrainehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16990920799981173553noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3656881569336871801.post-100227860171921642012-10-07T22:58:25.270+03:002012-10-07T22:58:25.270+03:00WOW!!!...
I wish Julia could read it!!!! If only ...WOW!!!...<br /> I wish Julia could read it!!!! If only she could speak English!...If she could tell you about her "Great ExperiENCE" You have just described one day of your life but it perfectly matches 11 years of our life. You are asking for advice, I have one, the only one possible - love your parents and live separetely. There is no way to solve these problems, you can only try to <br />avoid them.<br /> Btw, it was awesome night and it was very interesting to meet Denis' parents, to hear about their impressions of the States.<br /> And another WOW!!! Katherine, you are great writer! Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06475853441362331346noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3656881569336871801.post-67345434770420430842012-10-07T21:53:53.232+03:002012-10-07T21:53:53.232+03:00Until I got half way through, I was wondering why ...Until I got half way through, I was wondering why you weren't concerned about her reading this! Sorry about the frustrations. You can be polite but you have all the rights to establish right from the beginning that you are boss of your own home and they are (welcomed) guests. Andrea https://www.blogger.com/profile/00730557217264985056noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3656881569336871801.post-50216912605693765092012-10-07T02:21:23.204+03:002012-10-07T02:21:23.204+03:00Kaye...just...wow. You are a braver lady than me....Kaye...just...wow. You are a braver lady than me. Unfortunately I don't have much good in-law advice. You spoke the truth, they are better enjoyed with them living in AK, and us down here. :) They make it down this was quite often. Luckily, Eric's brother lives close, has kids, and Britni (my sister-in-law) is a stay at home mom, so they always stay over with them. Nice for me! I get along well with Mark, Eric's dad. His mom Dixie? Gah. We are destined to never be close. We are just too different, she is too different from my mom, and I sympathize with the language barrier...she is very Mormon, I am not, and sometimes I feel like we are speaking a totally different language. Plus, there is that nagging suspicion that I am a huge disappointment because I'm not Mormon, don't stay at home and take good care of my husband, and don't have at least 2 kids by now. My best advice is be genuine...you can't make them like you, but it will kill ya to be something you're not for their sake. <3 E Emily H.https://www.blogger.com/profile/03504871160737630037noreply@blogger.com